I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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