Tell her she can't have a vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
