Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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