I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
