I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
