3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
