All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
