Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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