T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
