every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
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Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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