3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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