dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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