we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
