Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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