Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
