I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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