I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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