I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
