Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
