Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My first STD was from a foam party
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
