i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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