Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
