I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dear god my vagina.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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