I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
