I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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