GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
