She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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