Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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