um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
