Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
