My pussy is not your playground.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize