I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
