hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
