it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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