I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
