My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
