Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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