i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
