There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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