i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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