I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
