roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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