I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
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