Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
