I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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