Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
