There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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