she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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