There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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