I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just tell him i said nine months
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
