Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
