I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
