A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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