dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
