I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
