I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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