Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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