He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
