I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
