pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
