Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Farmville is her only friend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
