I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
