You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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