LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
