So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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