You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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