Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
