I think my fart just growled at me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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