In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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