we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
