Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
