i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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