Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
