we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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