i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
