Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
