WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
