We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
