when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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