he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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