you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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