Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I think I sprained my soul last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
