I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
