i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
