Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
