I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
