OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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